Dr. Stephanie Chizoba Oarhe is a renowned relationship management expert, counselor, and pastor. She is the Founder and President of the Heart2Heart Foundation and the Convener of the True Love Relationship Conference. In this interview, Dr. Oarhe shares insights on the 2025 True Love Relationship Conference, her books, her relationship academy, and more. Excerpts:
Dr. Oarhe, can you share with us the story behind your journey into relationship counseling? What inspired you to pursue this career?
It started years ago when I was in my late 20s and already married. The church had started, but I noticed a lot of confusion about relationships. Many people were cohabiting, committing sins, and breaking hearts due to a lack of real commitment. There was also confusion among the youth about the boundaries in relationships, and churches were largely silent on issues like sex and relationships.
Although marriage was taught in churches, it was mainly from the pulpit, and I felt God was calling me to do something different. I felt led to create an interactive space where people could have open discussions about these issues.
I shared this with my husband, and after praying about it, he encouraged me to step out in faith and pursue this passion. I was initially shy, but with his support, I led the first Heart2Heart series in 1995. Though I officially started in 1996, it was a turning point for me.
You’ve been in the counseling field for over 20 years. How has the field of relationship counseling evolved, and what significant changes have you witnessed?
Counseling has evolved, especially in terms of the boldness to speak on these topics. In the past, there wasn’t much detailed information, but now we have more knowledge due to research and advancements in psychology. Today, counselors are more informed and can confidently help people live better lives.
You are certified by both Harvard Adx and John Maxwell, two highly reputable institutions. How have these certifications influenced your approach to counseling?
John Maxwell’s certification focuses on leadership and training others. As a counselor, you’re not just helping individuals but also leading them by diagnosing their problems and offering solutions. Harvard’s certification, on the other hand, delves into psychology and brain studies. I use this knowledge to understand my clients’ mental health, body language, and what’s left unsaid, combining it with the wisdom from the scriptures.
For example, emotional intelligence aligns with biblical teachings, like self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit. Psychology and the Bible aren’t opposed but complement each other. Positive confessions, as taught in psychology, are rooted in scripture—such as speaking affirmations of self-worth.
What behaviors and attitudes should singles look for in a partner?
The Bible says, “A man that findeth a wife.” This means that a woman must demonstrate qualities of a wife before she is seen as one. It’s not just about good character; she needs to be visible and involved in social activities to be noticed. Similarly, men must exhibit traits of a leader, treating their partners with the capacity to care for them.
You mentioned that you felt called to counseling, but also that you sought training. How important is personal development in your field?
When God calls you, it doesn’t mean you rest on your laurels. You must continuously develop yourself. I was driven by an uncommon strength to develop myself, and I’m always ready to speak or counsel on topics related to marriage and relationships. It’s this continuous personal development that has kept me going strong for all these years.
The Heart2Heart Foundation has been a significant part of your work. What do you consider its most impactful achievement?
There are many emotional moments when I think about the foundation. One of the most impactful achievements is our work in combating illiteracy and empowering people through education. We sponsor students at various levels and provide free counseling in partnership with over 40 schools. Additionally, we address deep issues, such as sexual abuse within families, and offer support to victims. Through our programs, we’ve reduced teenage pregnancies and supported families with gifts like cars, home appliances, and cash donations. We also provide support to widows, helping them heal from their pain and move forward.
What motivated you to start the True Love Relationship Conference, and what can we expect this year?
The theme for this year’s conference is “Hearts & Scars.” We’re not only discussing romantic relationships but also the scars caused by various life situations—whether from love, coworkers, or neighbors. Many people carry emotional scars that affect their relationships, and we want to help them heal and bounce back. We’ve brought in experienced speakers and psychologists to share their knowledge and help attendees heal. It’s going to be broader than ever before.
You’re planning to launch a Relationship Academy after the conference. What inspired this, and how will it benefit individuals and couples?
The Relationship Academy is designed to train more counselors, as we need more trained professionals in this field. Counseling is a responsibility, and many individuals, including counselors, require further coaching. With more trained counselors, we can help build stronger marriages and healthier families, which will ultimately benefit society.
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How do you balance the needs of individuals versus couples in your counseling sessions?
Singles often struggle with finding the right partner, heartbreak, or making wise relationship decisions, while couples come with more complex issues. Sometimes, the presenting issue isn’t the real problem—couples might argue about something, but the root issue could be something like intimacy or unmet needs. As a counselor, my job is to listen between the lines, understand unspoken concerns, and ask the right questions to help them open up.
You and your husband, Rev. Chris Oarhe, co-lead Hilltop International Christian Center. How do you balance the demands of ministry with your personal and professional lives?
It’s all about grace. There were times when I’d be counseling couples until late at night, and my husband understood. Early in our marriage, he was often studying his Bible for hours, and I had to find ways to engage myself, like studying and taking courses. We’ve built a mutual understanding over time, and even though our children are grown, we stay connected as a family by praying together and staying in touch. This morning, I have spoken to three of them already.
As a wife and mother, what lessons have you learned about relationships and family dynamics that you apply to your counseling practice?
I live what I teach. Being a counselor doesn’t mean your family is perfect. I’ve learned that relationships require constant effort, and that’s something I emphasize in my counseling. I believe in living authentically and leading by example.
What do you believe is the foundation of a strong marriage, and how do you communicate this to the couples you counsel?
For me, the foundation of a strong marriage is the fear of God. The Bible says the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. When both partners fear God, they will display the fruits of the Spirit and treat each other with respect. In addition to the fear of God, communication, money, and sex are crucial in a successful marriage.
Over the years, you’ve empowered countless youth and singles. How do you foster emotional intelligence and self-awareness in your counseling?
Emotional intelligence is crucial for managing emotions in relationships and is even used in leadership. Self-awareness is just as important—it helps people understand their strengths, weaknesses, and how to react in various situations. Many people use the excuse, “This is who I am,” but we can always unlearn and relearn behaviors. Self-awareness is key to improving relationships.
What is your vision for the future of relationships in Nigeria, particularly in light of today’s challenges?
I envision a dating conference where people can not only learn but also meet and connect with potential partners. For couples, I believe homes should be sanctuaries, but economic pressures and work stress can be challenging. I’d love to see more spaces where couples can unwind, date, and rejuvenate their relationships.
You’ve written multiple books. Can you share some themes and what inspired you to write them?
Some of my books include:
Making the Right Choice
Building a Strong Family
Celebrating Your Wholeness
21 Laws of Unlimited Marital Bliss
Growing in Love
21 Laws of Unlimited Marital Bliss focuses on the laws of love, one is the Law of Responsibility. Many people rush into marriage without understanding the responsibility it entails. Some even come with unresolved baggage, which can cause problems. My books aim to shed light on these realities and provide practical advice.
What’s next for you and the Heart2Heart Foundation?
We’re launching the Relationship Academy, releasing new books, and preparing for the True Love Relationship Conference 2025. It’s going to be bigger and better than ever before!
Advice for aspiring counselors?
Start by getting trained and certified. Study psychology, join professional organizations, and continuously improve yourself.
Advice for couples and singles facing relationship challenges?
Seek counseling. A professional counselor offers neutral advice and can guide you through healing. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
Who are the guests for this year’s True Love Relationship Conference, and what can attendees expect?
This year, we’re featuring Rev. Chris Oarhe, who will offer spiritual guidance and lead healing prayers for victims of heartbreak and scars. Chioma Jesus will also share her personal experiences to help others heal. We’ll focus on addressing emotional scars, helping attendees find healing, and teaching them how to live their best lives despite past hurts.
Who should attend the True Love Relationship Conference 2025?
Everyone. Whether you have emotional scars or not, the conference will help you understand how to support others and navigate challenges in relationships. The conference will take place from February 14 to 16 2025. The venue is Hilltop International Christian Center, Port Harcourt.
