Evelyn, 21, is in a relationship with a man who,she says, slaps her at the slightest provocation. The first time he hit her, it was across the face. She believed it would never happen again because he apologised, promised to change, and even gave her gifts to make up for it. However, the slaps didn’t stop. Now, despite the ongoing abuse, Evelyn has developed strong feelings for him and holds onto the tiny hope that he wouldchange someday.
“I am 21 and I am dating a guy that is far older than me. When he was asking me out, he was so sweet, and was able to convince me to date him. He is a business guy, he owns two shops where he sells electronics. The first day I visited him, I mistakenly broke his cup, he said it was his favourite cup, he got angry and slapped me right on my cheeks twice without even listening to my pleas.
“I became afraid, I had to run out of his house because I thought more beatings would follow the slap, but he ran after me and apologised. That same day he took me out and bought me things and he promised never to lay his hands on me again. But after a few months, the beating continued, each time he would apologise and promise he would not do it again. He slaps me over little provocation, but like someone under a spell, I can’t stop myself from loving him. I love him so much. After each slap he would always get me gifts and he would act very nicely for the next few days, then the demon would return. One thing about him, he knows how to make up when he offends you. He knows the right words, the gifts that will make me forgive him.
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“There was a day he told me that he had the right to hit me if I did something bad. He said I was his baby and he couldn’t watch me go astray. He doesn’t go beyond slapping me, and aside from that he is a cool guy. I think it has become his habit. Anytime he hits me, he becomes remorseful and gets me gifts to apologise.
“The thing there, he does that even in public places. He has slapped me in the church and eatery before. And it’s as if something would push him to do it, after which he regrets his actions. He would always beg me not to leave him that he would change, but he has not yet changed; I think he is getting worse. I love him so much. I just wish he could change.”
Dear Evelyn, I am truly surprised that you’re trying to justify his actions and overlook his behavior because of gifts. This man is showing clear signs of being abusive, and what he needs is professional help, not a girlfriend. Those “small slaps” can quickly escalate into more serious beatings, leading to a dangerous and harmful situation. You cannot reason with someone who thinks hurting you is acceptable, no matter how sweet he seems at times. Men like this rarely change unless they take responsibility and work on themselves with discipline and support. If you stay with him, whether out of love or pity, the abuse is likely to continue—and could even get worse. This is a clear red flag, and you must not ignore it. Be wise and prioritise your safety and well-being over any hope that he might change. You deserve better than this.
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