Festus shared a heartfelt story about dating a girl for seven years only to realize that throughout those years, he was the only one truly investing in the relationship. For her, it was just a way to pass time.
“We had known each other for seven years. She was my crush. She was tall and beautiful with caramel skin. When we met she was a freshman in my school. Then when I asked her out, she reluctantly accepted. She was giving me this attitude like she was doing me a favour to date me. And secondly I noticed she wasn’t proud of me. I saw those red flags but I was in love with her and thought it was because I didn’t have money to spoil her. She would always mention her friends who were dating rich guys and what those guys bought for them. Then I was in my third year and she was just a fresher. She pressured me into using my school fees to buy her wig and dress for her birthday. She was always asking me to do the impossible for her, and I wanted by all means to please her.
“My only crime was that I am short and broke. I think the only reason she stayed with me was because I helped her with school runs. I am the book warmer, I was helping with her numerous assignments and projects even when we were not in the same department. I caught this girl with several guys on campus and she cheated on me with those guys. Guess what? She would always claim right and I would be the one to beg her to stay. She was the first girl I fell in love with. I didn’t want to lose her, so I was doing all that to keep her. After I left the school we kept in touch, this time, before my youth service I already had a good job. When my service came, I worked with the company. I was a big boy and I foolishly spent all my money on her. I didn’t even remember to give money to my siblings and parents. I didn’t know my parents were expecting me to save up and rent my own place. It was after a year, something happened and they expected me to support them and I told them I had no money. They thought I was joking. What do you spend your money on? My mother, a teacher, asked me. Because I ate their food, I stayed under their roof free, I didn’t buy a car or a house. Where was my money going? I couldn’t tell them I was training a girl in the school. This same girl has multiple boyfriends, all supporting her in different ways. Every guy had his role. When I got to know it was too late. I forgave her still. We broke up severally, each time she left, I felt empty, as if I lost a big treasure. I would always be the one begging her to come back. I couldn’t love another girl; it was only her and she was never afraid to lose me.
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“Then I decided to end it because I was tired of begging her to stay. On that day we were quarrelling because I told her she would serve in Lagos but she insisted she wanted to serve in Abuja because her friend wanted her to serve in Abuja. That day she told me the story of my life. She said I was never her spec, and that she was with me out of pity because of everything I had done for her. In Fact, she couldn’t marry me, but she would stay with me pending when the right man came her way. Her words hit me differently. Oh! I had been training a girl for another guy to marry! I felt heartbroken.”
Dear Festus, Like you said, the signs were there from the start, but you chose to ignore them. Relationships and feelings work best when they come naturally from both sides. It was clear she didn’t like you enough to see you as her boyfriend, let alone her husband. I hope you’ve moved on because people like that are just time-wasters. That’s why it’s important to define your relationship early. Don’t assume someone likes you or will grow to love you over time. And if you don’t like someone, be honest with them right away. It can save everyone a lot of heartbreak.
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