Esther proudly wore her engagement ring around campus, feeling secure and happy about her future with her fiancé. She believed the ring was a promise that they would soon marry. Everything was going well until her fiancé traveled abroad for his studies. He told her she could flirt a little but it turned out to be a test of her loyalty. She failed the test, and as a result, lost him to another woman.
“We started dating when I was 16 years old, immediately I finished secondary school. He was my senior in school. He was already in 200 level when I got admission into the university. Distance was never a problem for us. We visited each other’s campuses often. He finished school before me but we served the same year. He got me engaged while I was in school. He told me he did so to prevent other guys from taking me away from him. We loved each other so much and our parents knew about the relationship and were in support of it.
“After Youth Service, we served in the same state in Jos, but in different local government areas. His parents wanted him to travel to the UK through a study route. He got admission and traveled. He asked me to wait for him. While he was there he gave me hope that he would never leave me. I waited for him, other guys were coming around but I turned them down. I never had any serious thing with them, I could just have a fling or a one-night thing and that was it because I didn’t want to disappoint him. He even told me to date other guys but I shouldn’t fall in love, not that I intentionally cheated on him.
“The year he told me he was coming back I was so happy because he told me I must get pregnant for him within the one month he would be spending in Nigeria, to fasten everything. He even said he would take me to the UK. I was very happy. The day he came back to Nigeria, I was supposed to pick him up from the airport, but I was surprised, he told me at the last minute that he had changed plans, and I didn’t have to come to the airport any more. He said he would send me the address of the hotel he would lodge in. I didn’t hear from him until two days later when I saw a post on his friend’s status. He was engaged to another girl. I called him but he lied, saying it wasn’t true. He denied it, even when he did a traditional wedding with the girl.
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“I didn’t get to see him again. I was heartbroken. It was as if the world should come to an end. Due to the trauma, I was hospitalised for one week. In his last message before I blocked him, he said he left me because I cheated on him and slept with one of his male friends. The truth was I never knew the guy was his friend, and I didn’t think it was enough reason for him to leave me. I felt he wanted to hurt me with the pretense and false promises he made to me before his return. After that incident, I found it hard to date again.”
Dear Esther, I hope you recover from this completely someday, and your recovery is solely in your hands. First, you need to know that you can’t control the way another person reasons or perceives you. Another thing is that when you look at a break-up from a brighter perspective, you will see that it is not bad. It could be a blessing in disguise. But it can only be a blessing when you don’t close your heart to other men. The best revenge is becoming a better you – being happy, allowing yourself to be findable, falling in love again, and achieving all you ever wanted to achieve. Wallowing in self-pity and hating men is self-destructive. Forgive yourself, forgive him, and move on.
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