Ugo has fallen in love with a girl who is quite a bit older than him. While she shows him affection when they are alone, her behavior changes in public. She keeps her distance, avoids letting him get too close, and is especially cautious about showing any romantic connection when her friends are around. This leaves Ugo feeling unsure about their relationship and wondering if it has any future.
“She is five years older than me, and she is already a graduate while I am still in school. She is doing her youth service in my school (non-teaching staff). Looking at both of us, you won’t spot the age difference because she looks like a 20 years old girl, and she is petite. I even look older.
“When we first met, we started as friends, we acted more like siblings because we are from the same tribe. And we bear similar names. She is a very beautiful and shy lady, and has a beautiful smile too. I think it was love at first sight, my spirit accepted her the first time we met and ever since I couldn’t let her out of my mind. It took me a lot of courage to ask her to be my girlfriend. I wasn’t expecting her to reject me because I could see it already in her eyes that she likes me. But she said no, she said she is older than me, she has a younger brother of my age. She likes me but she can’t date me. We remained as friends; I didn’t want to force things.
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“What I did, continued to prove to her every day that I love her and adore her. She is the first girl I have ever loved like this. Before now she didn’t allow me to touch her or even peck her but now she is the one all over me, we cuddle, kiss in our private time. But when we are outside, in the presence of people, she pretends like we are just friends. In fact, she would tell her friends that we are not dating. When we are outside she doesn’t allow me to touch her or even hold her hands. If I touch her outside she would shout at me and say I don’t respect her, especially when she is with her friends. She told me her friends mocked her that she is hanging out with her younger brother.
“I think she is not proud of me, each time she denies me or friendzone me in the presence of her friends, it hurts me. I tried to understand her but it’s beginning to piss me off. When we are alone, she treats me like her boyfriend but when we are outside she would act like I am her younger brother. We have been friends for nine months now, and her service year is ending in less than three months, and our relationship hasn’t been defined yet. I don’t want to lose her, sometimes I think she is just using me because I help her with many things, and she enjoys my company. Should I just give up on her?”
Dear Ugo, Many girls have been raised to believe that a man should be older for a relationship to feel right. When the roles are reversed, she might feel like she’s doing something wrong. She judges herself, knowing her family, friends, and society will also judge her. This creates a sense of awkwardness. However, age is just a number. It takes a strong and confident woman to prioritise her happiness over societal opinions and enter such a relationship. It might take her some time to adjust, but if she sees you as worthy and capable of leading, she’ll accept you. If you truly love her, keep showing her your value and let her see you as the man and not some errand boy.
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