In a world bedevilled by bitterness, unforgiving spirit, quarrels, suspicion, mutual hostilities, separation and even divorce between husband and wife who used to love and cherish each other, the story of Pa. Emmanuel Onyekakeya Abanobi and wife, Ezinne Chinyere Angelina Abanobi stand out like a lily in a swamp. The couple, who hails from Umuejiagwa-Umuoni Ihitteafoukwu, Ekwerazu in Ahiazu Mbaise Local Government Area of Imo State, renewed their marriage vow for each other recently when they were ‘joined’ in ‘holy wedlock’ on Sunday, September 1, at St. James Anglican Church, Ihitteafoukwu.
At the symbolic event which took place long after they had been married for 50 years and had had children and grandchildren to showcase as fruits of their union, the ‘bride-wife’ could be seen holding flowers as a reminder of their first wedding in 1974 while her clean-shaven ‘bridegroom-husband’ tenderly held her hands in his as they gingerly marched to the altar with smiles. In this interview with STANLEY UZOARU, the couple, aged 84 and 68 respectively, talk about their lives together in the past 50 years and why they needed to head to the altar for the second time as they marked the golden jubilee of their union. Excerpts:
How did you meet your wife?
Pa Emmanuel: I met her after the Nigerian Civil War. Though I didn’t have money then, all the same, I wanted to marry. So I started a provision store in order to raise the money. To God’s glory, my business started flourishing. I met her at our village stream. Before then I had other female friends I had thought I would marry. Some of them were teachers, nurses and other professionals. Some of my friends were telling me that those were the kind of people I was supposed to marry so that their salaries could help sustain our family. But when I saw her, I felt that this was the kind of lady I would like to marry even though she didn’t have a job. I told her to come to our house. But she refused. Now the reason I said that was because I wanted my mother to see her and decide whether she was the kind of girl she could live with as a daughter-in-law. Although I kept pestering her to come to our house, she kept refusing my entreaties. It was not as if she was all that ripe for marriage then because she was still in school. But she kept rejecting my suggestion. Eventually in 1974, I went to meet her mother, to make known my intentions. Her father was not alive then; it was her mother that I met. I told her that I wanted to marry her daughter and she agreed. As I said earlier, it was not as if I had much money. But all I can say is that it was love that made her agree to marry me and it is that mutual love that we have for each other that has kept us together in these past 50 years.
Ma, is there anything to add?
Ezinne Angelina: What he said is true. Like he said, I was very young and tender. But this notwithstanding, men were coming to ask for my hands in marriage.
How old were you then?
Ezinne Angelina: I was about 18 or 19. I had suitors from Aba, Port Harcourt and even from overseas. But I said no to all of them because of the love I have for him. It was not because of his money or handsomeness although I was attracted by his dentition. He was, kind of, gap-toothed.
I understand that you preferred fetching water from his village stream to yours which is farther. Is this true?
Ezinne Angelina: (Laughs) It’s not true. The stream is called Nneke and it’s closer to us. That’s why I used to go there to fetch water. So, the reason I preferred going there to fetch water was because the stream was closer to us, not because we wanted to use the opportunity to see each other as you insinuate by your question.
Is she correct?
Pa Emmanuel: What she said is true. But she used to peep into my shop on her way to the stream, perhaps because I used to give her Uncle Ben’s packaged rice, which was the reigning high-quality brand of rice in those days. That was why I named the shop after her before our wedding day.
Ezinne Angelina: (cuts in). Don’t mind him. It’s not because of Uncle Ben’s Rice that I married him. I married him because of the love I have for him. But he forgot to tell you how he used to entice me in those days with the same Uncle Ben’s rice, beverages and other items from his shop. But, most times, I used to refuse collecting them from his hands. Ask him.
Pa Emmanuel: Does that include the corned beef that used to go along with the items?
Ezinne Angelina: (laughs) Na you sabi.
Tell us the exact word you said to her when you wanted to marry her? How did you propose?
Pa Emmanuel: I told her from my heart that I wanted to marry her. But her people refused. They objected vehemently to our marriage. Another significant thing that happened when I wanted to marry her was, all my friends rushed at the same time to ask for her hand in marriage. I wouldn’t know whether it was a gang-up or something. But if she could recall, I was the first person to take a keg of palm wine to her people. Immediately I did that, everybody started rushing to ask her to marry them. They included those at Aba and Port Harcourt, like she earlier mentioned. But she insisted that I’m the one she would get married to.
You said her people or siblings initially objected to the marriage. How? Did they try to beat you up?
Pa Emmanuel: Beat me? Ah, none of them could dare touch me because I was a soldier. They talked about their objections behind me. But she was the one that told me why they were withholding their consent in the matter.
Ma, why did your people give him such a tough time?
Ezinne Angelina: They did that because they said I was not yet ripe for marriage, they wanted me to finish my education before going into marriage relationship with any man.
And when he came asking for your hands in marriage, what did you tell him?
Ezinne Angelina: As I earlier said, before he did, other men had been coming to ask for my hands in marriage. But when he told me that he wanted to marry me, I told him that I would think and pray about it. And, when I did, it was him that God revealed to me in my dream.
What did you see that made you go for her?
Pa Emmanuel: I told you earlier that I married her because of the love I have for her, not because of her beauty per se, although let the truth be told, she was beautiful.
What did you like about her beauty?
Pa Emmanuel: Ah! She was slim, tall, fair and elegant. But she was very young and inexperienced. I taught her all the things she knew after we got married. I want to believe that mutual trust we have for each other, that I am thinking the best for her and she too is doing likewise, is why our marriage has been able to last this long.
Why did you take your wife to the altar for the second time to mark your golden jubilee?
Pa Emmanuel: God made it so. According to the scriptures, it’s the renewal of our love for each other and remembrance of our earlier union. It’s a thing of joy.
I noticed that you still call her by her pet name: “darling” after many years of being together. Is this also your way of expressing your love?
Pa Emmanuel: Yes, she’s still the woman I married. As I discovered, nothing has changed despite the passage of time.
Ma, do you still respond when he calls you by that pet name?
Ezinne Angelina: Of course, it’s evidence of the love that we have been talking to you about.
.
Since you started living together as husband and wife, have there been times you had misunderstandings or quarrels?
Pa Emmanuel: Of course, that is expected in every marriage. There were times she offended me. Whenever I scolded – not beat her because it is not good for a man to lift his hand against his wife for any reason, no matter the provocation – she would start crying. But I would go out to think about what I said that made her cry and to caution myself. Couples would always have misunderstandings. But it shouldn’t be one they cannot settle between themselves or that will cause them to begin to bring in other people into it. As youths then, we had our quarrels; we still do but we did and still do resolve them without the intervention of a third party.
With the rampant cases of separation and divorce that we have these days, what advice do you have for young married couples to make their own marriage last as long as yours?
Pa Emmanuel: My advice to them is, they should not marry by what I describe as “cut and join.” By that, I mean marriage that is not grounded in mutual love and trust for each other and recognised or approved by one’s parents. True marriage should not only be by mutual consent of the couple involved, it should also receive the blessings and goodwill of one’s parents. Young couples should have it at the back of their minds that marriage is for better or worse. It has to be embedded in love. And they need to allow God to take absolute control because there are issues they may not be able to handle on their own, that they will need divine intervention for. Young couples should also be patient with each other. A young man involved in a marital relationship should know that women have heavier hearts than men and for that, easily get annoyed more than men. In fact, sometimes you may even wonder what is making them angry or pissed off. If you are a married man, it’s your duty to know how to calm your wife in all situations. This will also attract blessings from God.
Ma, what advice do you have for newly married young ladies?
Ezinne Angelina: My advice is, when you marry a man wholeheartedly, without minding whether he is rich or poor, there is no trouble or problem in your marriage you can’t resolve amicably. It’s a pity that nowadays, young girls are after men with flashy cars and money or big houses. If your husband doesn’t have money, car or house, that should not be a problem; that’s not the reason to bring down the whole house. My advice is, let the love that started your relationship still continue to lead two of you through situations and marital challenges. Forget about money for now, it may come later if the love is there. If you jumped into marriage because of money you think a man has, when, for one reason or the other, the money is no longer there, the union may collapse. Young women should also have some endurance and not be quick to report happenings in their homes to a third party, in their attempts to seek advice. What you thought will bring peace into your home if a third party comes into the matter may end up breaking it apart.
